The Bare Bones

God is doing His darnedest to teach me a serious life lesson about... something.  I'll keep you posted on the moral of the story. You'll know when I know. He's teaching me this lesson by allowing friendships to disappoint me to the point of complete and total heartbreak. He is also allowing me to disappoint myself. Through this heartbreak I am learning that I had these friends on a pedestal, these friendships weren't as gospel centered as I thought they were, I wasn't as good a friend to them as I thought I was, and that forgiving people who don't ask for it is h.a.r.d. HARD! After meeting with one of the elders at my church I was given a homework assignment to write out what forgiveness is and isn't. This is more of a therapeutic/diagnostic exercise than a research paper, but I thought I'd share anyway. He, not knowing me terribly well, cautioned me against being too intellectual in this assignment. His exact words were, "try to keep it 80% emotion, and 20% intellect!". That's hilarious to me because that pretty much defines the ratio of emotion and intellect in my life. So, "I'll try my best, dear sir, to restrain my giant brain".

Here's my struggle... I am having a hard time separating the way that God forgives us, and the way that I am to forgive others. I am very much not God, nobody's offense against me could even begin to compare to my offenses against Him, and yet we're instructed to forgive because we've been forgiven. Maybe that really is different than forgiving LIKE we've been forgiven... I don't know. All I know is that Christ's death has equaled a forgiveness of our sins that completely restores us to our original relationship with God the Father, and that is absolutely not what happens between people every time forgiveness takes place. I certainly tend towards setting standards higher than they have to be, making goals unreachable and therefore discouraging the attempt to try at all. I'd like to come to some sort of conclusion that makes forgiveness attainable, and I think it must be. Other people seem to do it all the time. I'm fairly certain I've succeeded before, although I've got tunnel vision in my current debacle. 

The emotional part of the assignment is simply breaking down the essentials of forgiveness. What forgiveness can go without, even though all of these would be ideal, and then what is essential for forgiveness. Hence the blog title, The Bare Bones. Now remember, this is the brainstorming part of things, so theologians and intellectuals keep your hoity-toity 20/80 ratio outta' here.  

Ideal but not essential:

• A restored relationship
• Reconciliation of differences
• A single conversation with the offender
• An apology of any sort
• Recognition of wrong on the part of the offender
• Any sort of vengeance upon the offender (Grrr)
• A willingness or desire to interact with offender(s)
• The opportunity to express the hurt to offender(s)
• Understanding of why offense was committed and/or where the breakdown happened

Essential:

• A heart change towards person/people
• Serious consideration about my part in the conflict/Humility about my role in things
• The ability to think tenderly about  offender(s)
• A commitment to check angry thoughts at the door, that WILL, in the power of Christ, lead to cessation of said angry thoughts
• Recognition of what a gift I've been given through Christ's sacrifice for my forgiveness/Humility about the offenses I've committed against people and God
• Refraining from negative speech about offender(s)/No grudge holding

*If I was in a comic strip there would be a light bulb over my noggin* The essentials seem to be the introspective parts of forgiveness, while the "hopefullys" are the parts that involve the others. I think I've been waiting for the involved parties... and withholding forgiveness for lack of participation. I think I'm also coming to realize that the act of forgiveness is ultimately in order to restore our focus to it's rightful place, not so much to restore the worldly relationships. When I'm focused so much on what's been done to me, I'm not focused on what's been done FOR me by Christ. "Lift Your Eyes" and all that. 

Psalm 147:3 He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.

My God is a good shepherd. I am bountifully blessed.